The Farmer (SE)

It seemed a useful exercise to view properties considering my marriage was over and I would be needing my own place at some stage. I decided to look at a quaint old terraced house down an alleyway in the heart of town. For the first time ever I was thinking about properties I like without having to ask anyone else what they thought…it was refreshing and I realised that I had a clear idea of what I wanted to live in. Something old and cosy, with exposed beams and a lovely warm feel.

I took my gal pal for morale support and was told by the agents the vendor would meet me as it was his preference to show the property himself. I had a jumper dress with a polka dot scarf and knee high boots plus jacket…not a knock out outfit but nicely put together. Gal pal came up from work and looked sophisticated as always.

We reached the property and a tall, dark haired chap met us. He was unremarkable and a little awkward, possibly shy? He showed us in and we asked if we should remove our shoes to which he advised we didn’t but removed his as they were rather mucky. He informed us that he had been up at his other property a farm; he needed to sell the town house to free up some capital. He talked us through the work he had done on the property and he seemed very proud. Gal Pal asked lots of questions but I was fairly quiet…everything was a little daunting. I wasn’t my confident, bolshie self-that’s for sure!

As we left and thanked him he asked me some questions; do you go out in the town much? Where? How often? I was in a state of despair and my mind wasn’t really working but I was pretty sure he was flirting with me. For the first time ever I felt a little vulnerable with it, I almost hid behind my gal pal. I’ve been able to work the flirt since I was 3 years old…this was not me at all! As we walked away Gal Pal said he was flirting with me, so it wasn’t just me thinking it. He also watched me walk away…not having that protective layer of being in a relationship had made such a difference.

It hadn’t been long since the split but the split was a long time coming and I felt ready for a bit of adventure…or so I though! In a moment of madness I engaged with the person I remembered from a long time ago and I emailed the estate agent and said I was interested and asked for the seller’s number to continue dialogue directly. It was given to me and I text a very nice and pleasant but purely about the house message. The response was “I wanted to ask for your number too but I was too shy”. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!! What now?

There was continued contact and then the dreaded let's meet conversation came up. I told him of my situation and that I was recently separated but it didn’t put him off. The date issue was weighing on my mind and he suggested I pop to see him at the farm one evening instead…I decided to do this but when I was sat at work doing my makeup I started to feel sick.

I drove to the Surrey countryside to a remote farm and realised that I could be about to be murdered and chopped up, in some ways that was suddenly less frightening that the bloody date itself?? I got to the door and he let me in with the biggest smile on his face, “he had text earlier in the day to say he was excited”, why would you do that? I had a red simple dress on with black tights and black shoes; I was offered a glass of wine and opted for a red which I then nursed for the next two hours and it wasn't a great one! We talked a lot and I felt a bit more relaxed, he seemed a bit thrown by my conversation and told me I was “too intelligent, too articulate and too knowledgeable”, either he was stupid or I had been upgraded without knowing about it as I am lucky to be any of those things let alone too much of them!

We sat on the sofa chatting away and we then both suddenly noticed that I had been collecting up the cushions and piling them around me. I had built myself a little moat and I think it was clear I wasn't up for anything. I was enjoying chatting and the little bit of flirting but I wasn't sure I fancied him much and he wasn't very interesting, he was just easy I suppose. I made my excuses to leave late evening but we agreed to see each other again and so we did.

The second date was much the same, we went out for dinner and I insisted we split the bill. It was fun and flirty and the conversation was light. There was a deep kiss when we returned from the restaurant to the farm and hands started to wander, not tonight was my standard line and the farmer told me that he wanted to "make love to me", I said he wanted to have sex with me but it was not making love, he told me that as far as he was concerned he would be making love to me. I knew he wouldn't be, how could he? I did like the idea he might be gentle with me though. I had been sleeping with the same guy for the last 9 years and although I wasn't half as nervous as I thought I would be it was still a big step.

Our third date arrived. I had to go to the farm straight from work, I didn't feel as glam as I'd like but my colleague helped touch up my makeup and I was wearing a wrap around dress that was demure with a hint of cleavage. I didn't know what I wanted to happen tonight but the dress of choice certainly covered every eventuality.

I arrived at the farm and was greeted with a kiss, it was a long kiss with his fingers running through my hair. He showed me through to the main room and there was a roaring fire, the room was dimly lit and there was a bottle of red waiting for me, the wine was a decent quality and he had clearly put some thought in to it, it was definitely not his normal stock. I took in the room and knew for sure I was about to be seduced.

We talked a little and this kissing began. He was an expert kisser and I felt totally at ease. His hands started to wander and he gently cupped his hands over my breasts, he trailed his hands down my body and gripped me tightly and he kissed me deeper. Having only been touched by my husband for as long as I could remember, I was surprised by how natural it all felt. He wasn't knocking my socks off by a long shot but I felt comfortable and in control and that was what I needed.

He stood up and pulled me to my feet. I stood in front of him and realised how tall he was. He wasn't stunning, far from it, but certainly not unpleasant to look at and he was dark haired and broad shouldered. Most importantly I decided that if I did this and didn't see him again I would feel ok and in knowing that I continued. I knew there was no risk of falling for such a good and therefore I was in complete control of my emotions.

He started to undress me and he kissed my shoulders, the dress fell to the floor and I stood there in my shoes, matching cream and black lace knickers and bra. I didn't feel self conscious as I had expected to, in fact I felt incredibly confident. He removed his top and slipped the belt from his jeans. We continued kissing and undressing as we made our way to the fire place, in front of it was a large fluffy cream rug and we stood upon it. We were totally naked, without my shoes there was quite a height difference but the feeling of being much smaller than him was a comforting one.

We stood their kissing and the flame of the fire reflected on our bodies, I wasn't excited in a way of 'I cant wait for him to take me' but I was enjoying it and wanted to have sex with him. I knew that this was more about me moving on and knowing that I would never sleep with my husband again than it was about this man.

The flicker of orange and yellow red tones continued over our bodies and we now lay on the rug kissing and looking at each other. He said he wanted to make love to me again and rather than argue the point I simply said "ok".  He kissed me continually and run his hands up and down my skin, the warmth of the fire was lovely and as he parted my legs and eased in to me I felt like we had done this a hundred times before. He moved easily and his experience was clear. He knew where to position himself and how to build a continued motion, the pressure was spot on (and I mean spot on) and his thrusts were as you would instruct but I wasn't lost in it. It was just good I suppose.

He looked in to my eyes and asked me if I was close. I knew I could be if I wanted but I didn't want to come. I felt totally in control and this was lovely but this was more about sleeping with another man and accepting I was single and able to do what I liked. I didn't really want him to make love to me and I didn't want to engage with looking in his eyes as I orgasm. This was a practical exercise. I said I probably wouldn't and he looked angry or upset, I'm not sure what it was but he wasn't happy.

He started to thrust in to me with more determination, he lifted my hips and pushed up at a different angle and I suddenly felt warmer and my body was feeling this more than it had. I heard myself say "take me from behind. He pulled out of me and turned me over. I was on my hands and knees and he knelt behind me, he pushed in to me from behind and he wasn't easing in this time, the thrust was sudden and firm and he wrapped his broad arms around my waist pulling me back as he thrust in to me, I didn't need to do much. I said "careful" and "that's pretty deep" and he just replied "I want you to want this", I felt like I did as he said it, I'd clearly not shown much enthusiasm up to now! As much as I needed to do this and 'tick the box' I now wanted this, I let my head drop back and this seemed to be a clear sign I was started to enjoy it. He pulled on my shoulders and came right up on his knees with his strong thighs working hard as he pushed himself up and in to me.

The enjoyment took over, I was not being made love to but I was being taken, firmly and completely. I followed his lead, as he pulled me to him I let myself go and I could feel my legs shudder. I hadn't wanted it when we were slowly "making love" but this animal, fast sex without looking in to each others eyes was what I needed.  I embraced the feeling of warmth running through my body and the shudder that was so obviously taking hold of me. My body threw itself in to the motion of being pulled back and being deeply pushed in to and I knew I was going to orgasm. I positioned myself and started to lead the motion for maximum effect.

The fire started to feel overwhelmingly warm and I felt clammy, I needed to push my hair back from my face and tried to sit back and raise my hands to do this. He took this as a sign I wanted to change the position slightly and sat back as I sat pressed against him still faced away. I was rocking back on him as he grabbed at my breasts and made low grunting noises, I was in control of the pace and had picked a fast one. I thrust myself back at him as he thrust in to me and there it suddenly was, I cried out unexpectedly and heard him say "yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssss" as he clearly came too.

We both fell flat on to the rug and manoeuvred in to a position where he lay front up and I was wrapped around him, the fire felt less intense now and I just lay there looking at the shadows again as they moved over our now rather slick bodies.

I knew that as much as this had been a success this was not the start of something with him but was definitely the start of my next chapter. I felt strong, feminine, sexy and ready to get out there and enjoy my new life. I wasn't thinking I would sleep with every man I could but I knew I would embrace feeling desired and experiencing sex with someone other than my husband. I accepted in that moment that I would never sleep with the man I had shared a bed for 9 years ever again and I felt no sorrow about it. We had enjoyed each other and I was clear about what I liked but also how to get the best of sex. I wasn't a woman who had never experienced an orgasm and although this guy was experienced I knew my sexual education had helped me to orgasm with someone new...it wasn't about the man so much, it was about me knowing me and I did.

I left him at the farm and went home giggling to myself, I felt totally alive. The next day at work I was told I had a blush to my cheeks, I wondered if I had toasted in the warmth of the fire but I think the glow was knowing that I was on fire...and I was a woman in control again!