He's the ultimate player, stringing a few women along at any one time. For simplicity and to avoid any awkwardness we will all be called "Baby".
From date one you'll be hooked. The "Baby" label will be given to you immediately and you'll be transported to a level of comfort that feels like the 4th date. This will leave you feeling trusting and in safe hands and will help him expedite through your "no knickers till a later date" rule.
He will show you a little vulnerability so you feel you want to look after him and of course you will feel he's less of a threat to your sensitivities; if he shows you his vulnerable side he's ok right? He must feel he can trust you? He will talk about wanting children and have little names for them. Wow, when does a guy ever do that? This one is going to be different.
As each date goes on the little pet names he has for you will be revealed, pookie, chica bonita, chinch, chinchilla...and of course he has never used these before! They were just little names that came to mind when he thought of you. They - are - not - generic - at - all.
As he goes to his folks for Sunday lunch he will send you a photo en route all wrapped up in his coat! How sweet! He's thinking of you and it's lovely that he goes to see his parents. He's such a good man. When he gets to work on a Monday he will send you a photo of his weetabix breakfast, bless him, he is once again thinking about you it's adorable he has a that for breakfast? He is such a gentle natured guy.
He will tell you he has a little gift for you before you arrive for dinner and on the doorstep to greet you will be a little fluffy furby looking character from a McDonald's happy meal. The gift is no cost and no real thought has been put in to it but it's so cute you'll love it. He will then open the door a little and pull you in. He will tell you how hot you look and kiss you. The kiss is excitable but not sensual, you'll think it's a little disappointing but he's ever so nice. You'll be invited in and then offered a drink, 'what can I get you Baby?' If you respond 'anything' you'll be told 'Baby I want you to have whatever you want', he is so incredibly thoughtful.
Dinner will be served in bowls as this is his preference. Yours is for a plate but he tells you how much he prefers a bowl and you think that's quite cute. He hasn't asked you what you like to eat but you suppose he wants to do meals he knows he can cook well and it's nice of him to make dinner after all. You'll eat on a tray in front of the TV. You'd like to sit at the table and chat over the day but he seems to enjoy the casual approach. You'll watch all his favourite programmes and if you are not too sure about whether you like some of them he will tell you they'll grow on you so you'll watch them some more. Maybe he just wants to make you a part of his regular routine and that's a good thing right?
You are not too sure about it but sex will never lead to his climax but he will tell you he almost did and he's sure he will next time. He will make you feel your climax was his number one priority and then ask you nicely if you will finish him off. Of course you will, you are not selfish and us girls like to see things through to the end. Will this be the case every time you wonder? Maybe it's just part of the getting to know each other phase and it'll happen with time? It's a bit weird but you don't want to upset him.
He likes to have oral. A LOT. You will feel encouraged to get better at this as he tells you that you are ALMOST the best he has had but you are certainly in the top ten. Later he will tell you he wants you to be the best and give you a few pointers. As time goes on he will ask that you allow him to come over you, 'Baby can I put it over your boobs?' You'd rather not and this isn't very hot, it's almost teenage but he has that little glint in his eye likes he wants to try something with you. Next time he says he wants to do it over your face, it's not ideal but he is so excited and it seems he wants to try it, he's probably never done it before judging by the way he asks?
The sex itself is good, isn't it? Well it's not bad? It often goes a little array, tiredness, aching from football, too much to drink, early starts, ate too much etc will all have an impact you suppose. The size of his penis will be mentioned a lot. Frankly, you don't think there is that much in it! 6, 6.5 or 7 inches. Is it really that noticeable? He's a little insecure you surmise as he mentions it so much so of course you'll tell him that his being the larger end of the scale is a great thing. He gives you the exact measurement of his manhood and ensures he shaves for maximum effect. This is clearly important to him. The biggest you've had....ummm? Let's just tell him yes, it makes him so happy. He will ask you the question almost every time you see him so a positive response seems the wisest.
You've received a photo of him, he's in his full length mirror. He is clearly sucking in his belly but in fairness he does know how to pose for a photo and he obviously wants to keep your interest. He wants one back and is so disappointed when you say no. Umm...what to do? He has sent you one after all? Oh a text, oh that's not good...'dont worry about a picture baby, if you don't feel comfortable it's ok, I understand'. Shit, he is disappointed, I have already slept with him so not sure why it's such a big deal? I wish he hadn't sent me one before he asked me.
The whole picture thing feels juvenile and tacky but he is relentlessly sending them. Almost every night as he gets changed for bed he sends you a sequence of photos. What do you say to him? You want to tell him that it's weird and a little childish but you don't want to be horrible even if it does make you uncomfortable. You will try to send a response you feel is going to satisfy him but you also don't want to encourage it. Is this normal...you've never known any one else do this? You will conclude that he must just want to keep you happy and interested so you will play along. You don't want to upset him, he's clearly a sensitive guy.
Your friends are not impressed. They say they wonder why he thinks he is worthy of sending so many photos of himself. Comments that he needs to get over himself when he looks like Smithy not a Calvin Klein model are heard. You stop telling them about it as it is a bit embarassing. He sends them all the time so you get them when you are with your friends and they look at you like you are an idiot...it's confirmed then...it is a bit odd!
You met online and you notice his profile is still in full swing and indeed active daily, the line underneath his profile will say "Mr Picky has been active today" every single day. It's been 7 weeks now so you've not really bothered with yours. Feels a little odd though and you can't help but check as each week passes. Maybe you will speak to him but on the other hand you don't want to seem to be telling him what to do. Is it that big a deal? Maybe he enjoys the attention? He has shown signs of insecurity...the crazy pictures thing for a start!
When you stay overnight he always refers to where you sleep as 'your side of the bed', the hair clips you left last time are also in the drawer by "your side of the bed", he jokingly says it's the lost property drawer, least you hope its a joke? He will occasionally mention the other girls that have stayed, you won't think it's a very gentlemanly thing to do but you will put it down to his insecurity.
He will compliment you on how you look but also make it clear what he likes, when Rachel Riley pops on the TV he will comment 'that's what I am looking for'...odd comment when you consider the audience. 'I like trim girls'....often said when you pick up that slice of garlic bread. You'll become aware of his preference and will therefore have a direct comparison, effectively you will know what you need to work on.
He will ask how much you weigh, he will of course say 'Sorry Baby, you don't need to tell me, I shouldn't have asked'. Hmm..if you don't tell him maybe he will think you are embarrassed of it. Now and again he will say 'Baby you look a little trimmer mmmm.' You haven't really been trying to lose anything but maybe you should try a little. 'Do you want a whole jacket potato baby?' Well most people do have a whole one don't they? It's a funny question and you'll say 'maybe I will just have half'. You wonder if maybe you do eat a little too much?
He will reference age a lot. He is older than you but he will make it clear how much those "trim young things" do it for him. He will comment on someone and add 'what's she do you think, 20, 21?' and he will remind you of your age. Of course he will tell you how young you look for it, he likes you a lot after all. He will make sure you never miss what he likes 'oosh' will be a noise you are familiar with, every single time a half decent woman is seen in fact! It's not the nicest thing to do but he does say he is a lovable rogue and says how much he thinks you like that about him; maybe he's playing up to that?
Weeks will pass and the routine will continue but a feeling will grow inside you. Maybe you aren't the only one? You'll wonder what part of it feels like it's you. Nothing is really progressing here and it feels its the first few dates over and over again. The same dinners, restaurants, chat, , tv shows, visits to the local, what he wears...you have started to notice how little he considers what you want, has he really always chosen the place you eat, the cuisine, the evenings entertainment, what you watch, when you eat, where you will go, when you will sleep? Have you really gone along with this? This is bonkers!
And the photos...hmmm sometimes you've received them again and thought it odd but maybe he's gotten confused when sending them to more than one person? How many of us are there? Christ. ..I'm saying "us" likes its some sort of club! Anyway, how many of "us" have received the 'Sunday off to parents' picture or the 'me at football today' picture. You know the answer, you can feel it in your gut, it's all starting to make sense now. Have you really been this stupid? Did you ever think you could be so bloody naive? Think about it...Baby from the first hour you met...Nite Nite Chica, Morning Chinchilla, oh you have been soooooo stupid.
You will have felt like you needed to 'get trim' at times but then you will look at him and see an overweight guy with fairly average looks who appears to get worse the more time you spend with him. Hopefully at this point you'll say to yourself 'are you shitting me?' You aren't cruel but the reality is he isn't in shape and has the stamina of a pensioner but he has dared to make you feel you could physically improve yourself! Such cheek!
You will have looked after him when he showed his vulnerable side and wonder, 'when did he ever look after me?' In fact, has there been a single occasion when he has asked how I am? When you had that headache did he do much other than offer ibuprofen which you had to fetch yourself? It's dawning on you now...oh man this is embarrassing!
Your friends are not impressed. They say they wonder why he thinks he is worthy of sending so many photos of himself. Comments that he needs to get over himself when he looks like Smithy not a Calvin Klein model are heard. You stop telling them about it as it is a bit embarassing. He sends them all the time so you get them when you are with your friends and they look at you like you are an idiot...it's confirmed then...it is a bit odd!
You met online and you notice his profile is still in full swing and indeed active daily, the line underneath his profile will say "Mr Picky has been active today" every single day. It's been 7 weeks now so you've not really bothered with yours. Feels a little odd though and you can't help but check as each week passes. Maybe you will speak to him but on the other hand you don't want to seem to be telling him what to do. Is it that big a deal? Maybe he enjoys the attention? He has shown signs of insecurity...the crazy pictures thing for a start!
When you stay overnight he always refers to where you sleep as 'your side of the bed', the hair clips you left last time are also in the drawer by "your side of the bed", he jokingly says it's the lost property drawer, least you hope its a joke? He will occasionally mention the other girls that have stayed, you won't think it's a very gentlemanly thing to do but you will put it down to his insecurity.
He will compliment you on how you look but also make it clear what he likes, when Rachel Riley pops on the TV he will comment 'that's what I am looking for'...odd comment when you consider the audience. 'I like trim girls'....often said when you pick up that slice of garlic bread. You'll become aware of his preference and will therefore have a direct comparison, effectively you will know what you need to work on.
He will ask how much you weigh, he will of course say 'Sorry Baby, you don't need to tell me, I shouldn't have asked'. Hmm..if you don't tell him maybe he will think you are embarrassed of it. Now and again he will say 'Baby you look a little trimmer mmmm.' You haven't really been trying to lose anything but maybe you should try a little. 'Do you want a whole jacket potato baby?' Well most people do have a whole one don't they? It's a funny question and you'll say 'maybe I will just have half'. You wonder if maybe you do eat a little too much?
He will reference age a lot. He is older than you but he will make it clear how much those "trim young things" do it for him. He will comment on someone and add 'what's she do you think, 20, 21?' and he will remind you of your age. Of course he will tell you how young you look for it, he likes you a lot after all. He will make sure you never miss what he likes 'oosh' will be a noise you are familiar with, every single time a half decent woman is seen in fact! It's not the nicest thing to do but he does say he is a lovable rogue and says how much he thinks you like that about him; maybe he's playing up to that?
Weeks will pass and the routine will continue but a feeling will grow inside you. Maybe you aren't the only one? You'll wonder what part of it feels like it's you. Nothing is really progressing here and it feels its the first few dates over and over again. The same dinners, restaurants, chat, , tv shows, visits to the local, what he wears...you have started to notice how little he considers what you want, has he really always chosen the place you eat, the cuisine, the evenings entertainment, what you watch, when you eat, where you will go, when you will sleep? Have you really gone along with this? This is bonkers!
And the photos...hmmm sometimes you've received them again and thought it odd but maybe he's gotten confused when sending them to more than one person? How many of us are there? Christ. ..I'm saying "us" likes its some sort of club! Anyway, how many of "us" have received the 'Sunday off to parents' picture or the 'me at football today' picture. You know the answer, you can feel it in your gut, it's all starting to make sense now. Have you really been this stupid? Did you ever think you could be so bloody naive? Think about it...Baby from the first hour you met...Nite Nite Chica, Morning Chinchilla, oh you have been soooooo stupid.
You will have felt like you needed to 'get trim' at times but then you will look at him and see an overweight guy with fairly average looks who appears to get worse the more time you spend with him. Hopefully at this point you'll say to yourself 'are you shitting me?' You aren't cruel but the reality is he isn't in shape and has the stamina of a pensioner but he has dared to make you feel you could physically improve yourself! Such cheek!
You will have looked after him when he showed his vulnerable side and wonder, 'when did he ever look after me?' In fact, has there been a single occasion when he has asked how I am? When you had that headache did he do much other than offer ibuprofen which you had to fetch yourself? It's dawning on you now...oh man this is embarrassing!
You will struggle to recall the number of times your heard your name and not Baby. Did you ever receive a text or picture that others didn't? Was there a single moment he didn't replicate with you or with another? When it all sinks in you will ask yourself 'why on earth am I still here?' Then you'll decide you have to let him go! Not in a mean way because you are decent and you feel sorry for him. A shallow existence made up by a variety of blow job skills isn't a life to envy after all.
You'll look back and wonder how on earth you got sucked in but you will be pleased that you are out of it. You will feel sorry for the other girls who may have be suddenly dropped and will wonder why a nice guy like that didn't want them or worse still the ones that stick with it. You almost feel like sky writing a warning.
Your skin will crawl at the realisation of it all and you almost never want to hear Baby again...unfortunately you are a sucker for Dirty Dancing so you'll need to get over it. As you delete the many photos you have recieved you will look in to the dead eyes in the pictures and feel relief as each one disappears from your phone and indeed your life.
The man "Initial Initial Initial" is an experience! He is not one you will recommend and you won't get that time back but you will know that life has a lot to offer you. Whereas he has demons. There's a reason he's the age he is without having experienced love right? You have of course and its hard. Love definitely hurts but it's worth it to have had it. Love like you've never been and all that.
This started as a warning but it'll finish with advice! You can choose to take it or leave it. Should you encounter a 3 letter initial my advice is to steer well clear. Better still RUN! If this guy were a product then his marketing team would probably advise he come with a free STD check! There isn't a more fitting gift with purchase!
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